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About six weeks ago, my cousin and her husband, due to complications with her pregnancy, lost their baby girl and boy at 19 weeks. Obviously this was a great tragedy for them, and my family. Below is a letter than Ryan wrote to them trying to express our sorrow with them and our hope that they be comforted. I share it in the hope that it will stir in your heart, as it did mine, to a great hope in the promises of our God. Ryan's note: My thoughts here are deeply indebted to Tim Keller's excellent chapter on suffering in his book The Reason for For God (Dutton Press, 2008), which I would highly recommend. In particular, the example from The Lord of the Rings and the sentence that follows is taken nearly word from word from the book (p. 33).
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Dear Jennifer and David,
I have no way of articulating how truly sorry I am, nor do I have any way of really knowing and understanding the grief that you feel now. Cards, phone calls, hugs, and even letters seem like paltry comforts in the midst of great waves of pain, anguish, and even anger. For every tear that Laura and I have cried, I am certain you have cried your hundreds.
In such times, I think it is only natural for all of us to ask “why?” Why is there such agony, such loss that we go through? The question reaches out even farther, asking why a good God, Creator of all things, would allow such pain. Yes, there are times where it is clear after some time has passed that God was at work to turn sorrow into glory, the ashes of our grief into a garland of praise, making people grow in relationship with him and with others. But for every situation where God is obviously at work there seem to be other situations where it is difficult, if not impossible, to see through the midst of grief. What then? Why then?
In all honestly, I can say I don’t know why every painful situation comes about, and those who think they do are typically trite and glib. Even Job, the archetype of biblical suffering, is never told why he underwent so much loss.
Still, there is a great divide between suffering without reason and suffering without hope. One leads to questions that may not be answered in this life; the other leads to despair that is overwhelming. The good news of the gospel is that although we might not see every reason, we still have reason to hope. That hope lies in Jesus Christ. Though he was fully God and fully man, he humbled himself by dying. God the Father gave his son on our behalf. Jesus is not an impersonal deity who is unacquainted with our sorrows. He himself was homeless, mocked, flogged, crucified, the most humiliating and unjust suffering ever possible. He is even acquainted with our unanswered prayers, as he cried out to the Father in the Garden of Gethsemane. Our God is the One who bled, died, and suffered for us in order that he might be with us as we cry, grieve, and even die. We hope because he is with us.
More than this, we can hope because he is at work in renewing all things, preparing a place where we will be with him for all eternity. And his renewal is not merely forward-working, but it will bring glory out of our former sorrow. It is a complete restoration. After the climax of The Lord of the Rings, Samwise finds out that Gandalf was not dead as he thought, but alive. Upon seeing him, he cries, “I thought you were dead! But then I thought I was dead myself! Is everything sad going to come untrue?” The answer of Christ is yes, everything sad is going to come untrue and will somehow be greater for having been broken and lost.
Mine and Laura’s prayer for you is that the God of all comfort will be with you and comfort you in your grief and that the God in whom our hope rests will carry you through such a difficult time. We love you so much and eagerly await the day when we will worship with Lily and Tate at the feet of Jesus for all eternity.
Blessings,
Ryan
Hebrews 4:15-16: For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4a: Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction.
1 Corinthians 15:19: If in Christ we have hope in this life only, we are of all people most to be pitied.
