Men bring home the bacon. They are financial providers. They do not really know how to relate to kids as well as women. They all long to be outside the home. If a man were a stay at home dad, he would probably mess things up (see above picture of the superhero "Pull Up Boy").
Except for that last one, which I made up because I liked the picture, I've heard all of these statements at one point or another. To some degree I'm okay with them, especially if we are talking about your own family context. If that is the way that things work best at your house or how you have decided to run your family, more power to you. But do these things make being a stay at home dad a non-option? Here are a few thoughts that Laura and I discussed this past week.
1. Men should be providers. I think this is close to incontrovertible. But the reason I think this is that I don't think men should be bums, not necessarily based on something I find in Scripture. Where this argument really takes off is how you define provider. Which leads to...
2. Provider can mean different things. I recoil at the thought of provider meaning only financial provider. I don't have a problem with a man being a financial provider, but I think it is unrealistic to assume that provider only or primarily relates to bringing in the most money. In our particular situation, I will not make as much money as Laura, guaranteed. It is a simple fact that she as a dentist is going to make more money than me as a teacher or administrator in a high school. Am I therefore not a provider? I don't think so. I know some people who have said that this is going to cause great strain in our marriage down the road. Call me naive, but I do not think it will. I hate using this argument, but it's the 21st century and I think that we are over that. So, I don't think provider has to mean "I make the most money and completely support the family financially."
3. Provider may even mean something unrelated to money. In the above example, I'm still working and making some money. But what happens if we say that Laura and I decide that she wants to work and I want to be a stay-at-home dad? Does that mean that I am no longer a provider? I still would say that is a provider. I think that the stay-at-home dad provides the support and ability for a wife to pursue a career and provides the love and care that children need. Is it the right situation for everyone? Absolutely not. But is it always wrong? I would say absolutely not as well.
4. I do not think that what is often taught about man's and woman's roles in the church today are biblical. That is not to say that they are innately wrong, but I think that modern pop psychology (more like pop psychology from the mid 20th century) is baptized under the name Christian and is then termed biblical by people who assume it to be true. I know guys who would be great fathers and stay-at-home dads. Personally, I like to cook, wash dishes, teach, and I'm not bad at laundry and other household chores. Plus, I like kids and would like to spend days with my own kids one day. On the other hand, I know women who love to work. They are good at their jobs and they love doing it. It's not that they don't like their kids, but they want to have a career too. Are we going outside the realms of biblical manhood and womanhood? I tend to think not.
That was a random post and question, I know, but I need to think it out some. If you have any thoughts, feel free to comment!
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